well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
