too bad you live with your parents still
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
