Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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