it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
