great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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