i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
