I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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