can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
