She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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