Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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