I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
