i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
