she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
