My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
