Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
