meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
