and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
