too bad you live with your parents still
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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