what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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