i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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