Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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