I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
