the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
