you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
