well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
