Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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