I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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