Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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