She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
