Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
