I just cut my nipple shaving
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
