I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
