he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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