I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
