Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
