Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
