Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
