Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
