i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
that may or may not have been my penis.
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