First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
