There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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