just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
