I'm gonna have a badass scar
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
