I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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