apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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