How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
