Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
