how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
