I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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