That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my poor anus
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
