so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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