we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
