you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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