How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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