I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
