i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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