Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
