forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize