we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
