I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
