I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
